At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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