You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
