You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
