When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
