fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just high enough for therapy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I came so hard my ears popped.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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