Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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