I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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