My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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