You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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