You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
