I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
