When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
