I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
