Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
3 2 1 whiskey
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
