I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
