I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
