He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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