there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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