My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
