Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
