Im at strip club and am horny
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
