A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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