If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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