went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
