girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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