White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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