He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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