I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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