You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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