I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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