Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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