I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
