Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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