I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
