There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
