The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
