awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
