if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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