Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i barfeds in our rink
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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