That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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