I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
