ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
