I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
