fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
