i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
