maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
being pregnant is like rehab
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
