someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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