Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
