Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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