I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
