I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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