fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
